Funeral Etiquette: What to Do and What Not to Do

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At Starkson Family Funeral Homes, we understand how much weight this decision carries — and we're here to help you navigate it with care, clarity, and compassion.

There's no perfect script for this conversation. But there are some thoughtful, proven ways to approach it that can make a real difference in how a child moves through grief.

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Losing someone you love is never easy. And in the days, weeks, and months that follow, one of the most meaningful things a family can do is find ways to keep that person's memory alive — not just for those who were there at the service, but for everyone who loved them, no matter where they are. That's where online memorials and tribute videos come in. More and more families are turning to these tools as a way to share their loved one's story, connect across distances, and create something lasting that future generations can return to. If you haven't thought much about this option yet, you're not alone. But once you understand what it involves and what it can mean for your family, it's hard not to see the value. What Is an Online Memorial? An online memorial is a dedicated digital space — often connected to an obituary page or a memorial website — where family members and friends can come together to honor a loved one. It can include photos, written tributes, a biography, and even video content. Think of it as a living, breathing tribute that isn't tied to one specific day or location. Unlike a printed obituary or a framed photo on the mantle, an online memorial can be accessed by anyone, from anywhere, at any time. Whether it's a cousin who couldn't make the trip from across the country or a childhood friend who only found out weeks later, an online memorial gives everyone a place to grieve, remember, and connect. Why Are So Many Families Choosing This Option? There are a few reasons why online memorials and tribute videos have become such a meaningful part of modern funeral planning. Families are more spread out than ever. Not everyone can get on a plane or drive hours to attend a service. An online memorial makes sure no one has to miss out on paying their respects just because of geography. Grief doesn't end after the funeral. The service is just the beginning of healing. Having an online space to return to — whether it's on the anniversary of a passing or just a quiet Tuesday when someone is missing their dad — gives families a place to go when words don't come easily. It creates something lasting. A tribute video or memorial page isn't just for right now. It becomes a piece of family history that children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren can look back on someday. That's a powerful thing. It allows for real personalization. Every person is unique, and a cookie-cutter service doesn't always capture who someone truly was. Online memorials make it easier to weave in the details that made your loved one them — their favorite music, their stories, the way they laughed. The Pros of an Online Memorial If you're weighing your options, here are some of the most important benefits worth considering: Accessibility for all. Friends and family who are elderly, ill, or simply far away can participate in remembering your loved one without the barriers of travel or physical attendance. A permanent place to gather. Unlike a service that lasts a few hours, an online memorial stays available. Family members can revisit it for years to come, adding their own memories and keeping the conversation going. Easy sharing. Once an online memorial is created, it can be shared with a simple link — through email, social media, or a text message. This makes it easy to notify people in your loved one's wider circle, even those you may not have contact information for. A space for contributions. Many memorial platforms allow friends and family to leave messages, upload their own photos, or share a memory. This turns a one-way tribute into a collective celebration of a life. Peace of mind during a difficult time. Knowing that a thoughtful, beautiful tribute exists — one that truly reflects who your loved one was — can bring real comfort when everything else feels overwhelming. What Makes a Great Tribute Video? A tribute video, sometimes called a memorial video or memorial slideshow, is one of the most personal ways to honor someone's life. When done well, it tells a story. It moves people. It captures the essence of who your loved one was in a way that words alone sometimes can't. Here are the most important things to consider when creating one: Choose photos that span their life. From childhood snapshots to recent memories, a great tribute video takes people on a journey. Don't just use formal portraits — candid moments, silly photos, and everyday scenes often mean the most. Let the music do some of the work. The right song can say everything. Think about your loved one's favorite music, or choose something that captures the mood and feeling of who they were. The music in a tribute video stays with people long after they've watched it. Keep it focused but complete. It doesn't need to cover every single year in equal detail. Focus on the moments, relationships, and chapters of life that defined them. Quality over quantity always wins here. Include video clips if you have them. Even a short clip of your loved one laughing, speaking, or just being themselves can be incredibly powerful. If you have home videos, don't overlook them. Make it shareable. Whether it's displayed at the service on a screen, posted to an online memorial page, or saved on a USB to share with the family — make sure it lives somewhere accessible after the service is over. At Starkson Family Funeral Homes , our staff can help create a tribute video slideshow that reflects your loved one's unique story. These can be displayed during the service and added to the online obituary page, so the whole family can revisit it whenever they need to. Important Things to Keep in Mind Before jumping in, there are a few practical things families should think through: Gather your photos early. The earlier you start collecting photos and materials, the more time there is to create something truly meaningful. Don't wait until the last minute. Think about privacy. Some families prefer a public memorial; others want something more private. Many platforms allow you to control who can view and contribute to the page. Coordinate with family members. If multiple people are contributing photos or memories, it helps to have one point person to organize everything so nothing gets lost or duplicated. Consider video formats. Ask about what formats are available — DVDs, USBs, digital files — so the tribute video can be preserved and shared in whatever way works best for your family. Don't overlook the small details. Dates, names, places — these matter. A tribute that's carefully and accurately put together reflects the respect and love you have for the person you're honoring. Talk to a Reputable Funeral Home First It can feel overwhelming to think about all of these options while you're already navigating grief. That's why one of the most important steps you can take is to sit down with a knowledgeable, compassionate funeral director who can walk you through everything that's available. At Starkson Family Funeral Homes, we understand that no two families are the same — and neither are any two services. Whether you're arranging a traditional burial , a cremation , or a celebration of life, we'll help you think through how an online memorial or tribute video can be woven into the service in a way that truly honors your loved one. We have multiple TV screens available at both of our locations to display tribute videos during the service, and our team can help create a slideshow that gets added directly to your loved one's online obituary. Video keepsakes — including DVDs, USBs, and photo books — are also available so your family has something tangible to hold onto and share for generations. If you have questions or would like to talk through your options, we're here. You don't have to figure this out alone. Starkson Family Life Celebration Chapel — Hastings, MN Starkson Family Anderson Chapel — Apple Valley, MN Call us at (651) 437-9419 or reach out online. We're here in your time of need, and we're honored to help your family find meaning, connection, and healing.

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