Funeral Etiquette: What to Do and What Not to Do

Whether it's a funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life held at a church, funeral home, or other location, the same advice generally applies. Here are some guidelines that can safely carry you through these sensitive, emotional situations.

DO's

• Arrive at least 15 minutes early so you can sign in as a guest and greet the family. If you miss them before the service due to the size of the crowd, be sure to find the family afterward to express your sympathy.
• Enter quietly. This event is not about you.
• Express your condolences. "I'm so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers." Tell the family your connection to the deceased and a short, positive story if you think it's warranted.
• Silence your phone, or even better - leave it in the car.
• Wear appropriate, traditional clothing.  You don't have to wear black unless that's what the family has requested. Casual clothing should be avoided unless it's requested by the family. Show respect to the family in all aspects of your presence.
• Participate in all religious customs to the best of your ability. It's disrespectful to do otherwise. Sing, sit, and stand when asked to do so.
• Assist the family when asked, unless it's impossible or your nerves prevent you from doing so. If they request that you take a role in the service or they need help bringing food or flowers to their home after the funeral, offer your services. Funerals can be overwhelming and extra hands are often needed.

DON'Ts

• Be late. Entering after the funeral or service has begun is in bad taste. If you do arrive late, enter from a side aisle; not down the middle.
• Sit in the front rows. These are typically reserved for immediate family and close friends.
• Show up under the influence.
• Draw attention to yourself before, during, or after the celebration.
• Make jokes or speak ill of the deceased. This event is to honor their memory.
• Discuss politics or other sensitive topics.
• If you're bringing children with you, don't let them run wild. Explain the situation in age-appropriate terms and keep them close. Step out of the funeral or service if they become disruptive.
• Take photos during the funeral.

VIEWING THE BODY

If the deceased has not been cremated, there may be an opportunity to view the deceased in the casket. Whether or not you choose to do this is your decision. Some people find that it helps them acknowledge the loss and allows them to begin the grieving process, and others find it upsetting. Viewing the deceased is not required and you can politely decline the invitation if the family extends it.

Were you prepared for your first funeral? Do you wish you had done anything differently?