How Do I Return to Work After a Loss?

Going back to work after a loss will be difficult on you and your coworkers. Some won't know how to connect with you in your new emotional world and others may not care. But you cannot ignore your emotional needs. You have to take care of yourself in order to heal.

• First of all, don’t try to go back before you’re ready. Bereavement leave is often not very generous, so if you’re able to take some holiday leave too, don’t be afraid to do it. Or even take some unpaid leave if you’re in the fortunate position to be able to do that.

• Talk to your boss before going back so that they know how you are and what your challenges may be. Perhaps ask for simpler duties or more support for a while until you are back on your feet. This is especially important if you have a job where mistakes could create a risk for you or other people.

• Bring your loved one’s photo to work and place it in your space.

• Don’t beat yourself up too much if you lose concentration or make a mistake. How many people do you know who work at 100% efficiency all the time. Cut yourself some slack.

• Ask for help if you need it. Everyone will understand your emotional limitations.

• Have a few answers ready for what you will say when people ask you about what happened. Keep it simple and don’t go into too much detail unless you are especially close to someone at work. Set boundaries as to how much you want to share and who you’ll share with.

• Set aside some time each day for grieving. Let yourself have a good cry in the car before you go in or at lunchtime, so you’ll feel more in control the rest of the day.

• Know that the weird feeling of being different and that everything has changed will gradually wear off as you come to terms with your new normal and learn to live with it.

• Work some self-care time into your schedule. Meet a friend, have hot bubble baths, do some exercise or meditation. Watch a film or your favourite TV programme and eat your favourite food. Grieving is tough work and you need some ‘me’ time.

Recognize that you’re doing your best at any one moment. Your co-workers will understand if you aren’t performing up to your pre-loss standards. Give yourself plenty of time to get back into the groove.

How did you handle your first few days, weeks, or months back to work after a loss? Who or what helped you adjust?