Visiting a Friend or Loved One Receiving Hospice Care

It can be difficult to visit someone receiving hospice care, but there are ways to prepare for a smooth experience.

First, don't arrive unannounced. There may be scheduled visitors or medical routines in place that you do not want to interrupt, so always call ahead and make sure the family offers you an invitation to visit. Once you have been invited, consider the following:

Preparation

• Ask for a time frame. Hospice patients may sleep a lot. Work within the family's timing and respect the patient's energy level.
• Only bring invited guests. Children have great energy, but it can be overwhelming to some patients.
• Offer to run errands and pick up any supplies or food for the family on your way over.
• If you have any special items that the patient loves, such as a blanket, music, or photos they may be interested in seeing or talking about, bring them along.

During the Visit

• Sit, don't stand. Be at eye-level and make eye contact.
• Read the room and decide whether or not you need to fill the space with conversation. If the patient is sleeping the entire time, it's OK to just be present.
• If they want to speak, let them. Listening is a great skill to have.
• If you sense they want conversation, join in. Let them lead the conversation and follow it.
• Be prepared for many emotions. It's possible they may express a wide range.
• Show your support through touch; gentle hand-holding and hugs may be just what is needed at this time.
• Share memories about good times and experiences you shared together. Connect with laughs and jokes if you feel the patient is in the same frame of mind.
• Watch for signs of exhaustion and prepare to leave when the family signals. Don't overstay your welcome.

After the Visit

• Keep in touch with the family. Call, email or text. Things may happen quickly and your support is crucial.
• Keep offering your assistance with errands, housekeeping, pet sitting, etc.
• Even if you don't have the perfect words, your compassion and contact matter.

The bottom line is, let the patient be your guide. You may show up ready for a deep conversation with your friend or loved one, only to find them sleeping soundly. You may feel as though the gift you brought went unnoticed and you left after 15 minutes. But remember - this isn't about you. The family will be forever grateful that you came to visit and showed your love and support.

Now don't forget to take care of yourself after the visit. Your emotions will come into play too. Just wait.

Do you have any tips to add to the list above?